this guy on this picture is Henry G . this is the guy i've been crazy about . he's hot . thats all .


hooyahh , last night i slept at 4.30am . why ? because i cant stop thinking . i cant sleep at all ! then i started to open up my phone . i go through all the pictures so i can sleep but no i cant get it out of my head . i opened a text new message and wrote;

this world is so unfair to her . im not blaming you my god but why do you have to put her through this hard tests? its painful . put her to no matter what but i know it myself that she deserves better . and im sure its all behind this . what else you want to take , just take . i know she is strong and brave . she had a very uncool parent, a very spoilt brother and a stupid fucking maid that always disturb her privacy . whoa , isnt that enough already ? no ? great , try her friends . she has no true friends , and whatsoever . plus , she lives in a prison . a prison that is shared . and the guard of the prison is fucking mad and crazy . nobody's perfect . cant you accept that , FATHER ? goshh , and she will never fit with people around her , no matter where she go . she lives in a city folks , not a village like u used to be . its like 90210 , not the 60's anymore . she is locked up by a person with no heart that never let her feels free . Allah , let her choose . let her be herself . if its hard for u , Lord , why don't you just take her with you ? let her be with you or she'll be hurting for a long time. give her peace and a lil freedom . fits her with her surroundings and stop humilate her . she always thought that family were supposed to be understanding , but to her , not anymore . the older she gets , more stressful she became . why is that ? can u communicate with her , God? and what she is waiting for now is her death . kill her slowly . put her through all the pain . she accept it .

i was kindda upset last nite so it kindda reminds me of the past . its a disaster .

syahmi , im so sorry i cant follow you to pavilion today . you wont understand my situation . its a relieve that you are not mad with me . im so so so sorry . goshh , it would be fun to hang with you . thanks for the call this morning . it makes me better . here it goes with mummy;

adik ; mummy , adik nak keluar esok ?
mummy ; nak pergi manaaa ? * start with the kening
adik ; pavilion ngn kawan2 adik . boleh ?
mummy ; ye lah , sape ?!
adik ; syahmi , darina semua tu lahhh . * anxious
mummy ; tak tahu lah ! tanya papa

i know mummy will let me go , but her husband really pissed me off . mummy sounded like leting me go .
i waited untill papa gets home from pasar . then at the living hall ;

adik ; pa , esok adik nak keluar , boleh ?
papa ; pegi mana !
adik ; tengok wayang je ngn kawan2 .
papa ; dgn sapa ?!
adik ; syahmi ngn kawan2 sekolah lain .
papa ; cita apa ?
adik ; 2012
papa ; dekat mana ?!
adik ; pavilion
papa ; huhhhhhhhhhhhh ! no !
adik ; alaaaa , boleh lah
papa ; no ! nak menggatal je kerja
adik ; gatal apanya ? ;(

what can i say ? i must back off . he's just a guy with no heart . i bet you , he never truly understand what kind of person i am . why ? he's the one that always locked me up . and what a stupid excuse saying that i ni mengatal ? whattahell , im a good friend and im a friend to lots of people , boys and girls . ohmygoddd , dont you just get it ? you really make me feel like i dont belong to anyone . there's this bird inside of me , papa . why are you so harsh ? i dont get it ? why do u always love to win ? i gave up everything to respect you . fine , im not good in education , im lazy and stff . but cant you just make me feel like a daughter to you ? look around you , fathers nowadays treat their daughter with lotsa love . but you ? with anger . im jealous when i look at others . whatever pa , you're my father . fine , you have right to do this to me .

serious shit , macam sial !